If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
