he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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