The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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