Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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