Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
