I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
