Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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