I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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