left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
