she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
