I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
