I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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