remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
