I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
