true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
