hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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