I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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