i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
