the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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