whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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