he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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