It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Drake has all the answers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
