But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
