She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
