these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
