you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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