need another drink. this is the easiest way
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
