I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
