he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Randomize
