We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
