we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have fence marks all over my body
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
