They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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