I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
