I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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