Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
