I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
