I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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