First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
