just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sobbing to NWA
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
