dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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