I will die if light touches me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
