maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
