Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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