I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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