nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
