So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
im on a boat
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