I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
