no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's like iHOP with fire
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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