Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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