careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
